Sharps

I never thought I’d become the kind
of guy who asks the bartender
what NA beers he had.
Not that it mattered.
They all taste like watered down light
beer and that tells you all need
to know.
I generally settle on Sharps or soda
water with a splash of cran and lime
wedge which looks like a cocktail but
sure as hell isn’t.
After a couple of those NA bottles, that
almost look like Amstel Light if you squint,
the barkeep knows what you have and
doesn’t have to ask which saves a lot
of potential embarrassment.
You can keep the label turned
in a way no one can read it and socialize
without the fear of recognition.
Drinking that way almost made me
nostalgic for the good old days I could
keep down a fair amount of scotch
and milk. Imagine ordering Johnny Walker
and milk in a night club.
Invariably some smartass bartender
would ask red or black? and just to be
ornery I’d say black because it costs more
and is a bigger sin to mix with anything
much less milk. Believe me you don’t
get any respect ordering the better brand.
But, hey, it was alcohol and you can dream,
right? Then the Doc told me those days
were over as there was too much acid
in the milk and coating the stomach with
anything was out of the question because
there was nothing left to coat.
So, I had a choice, one he made very clear
to me, you could end up dying on some
stinking gin mill bathroom floor puking
blood and alcohol or I could drink NA beer.
So, here I am, drinking Sharps, humiliated,
But alive. For now. Until I can’t take it anymore.