The Gunman

I've never killed anyone in this country...yet.
I let some bullets fly in the sand box but'
never ever went to check out the results.
Most the time, I carried a malfunctioning 45.
The pistol wouldn't feed from the magazine. 
I had to load one bullet at a time by hand.
For a while I waltzed around with an AK.
Not a souvenir, just a found reliable weapon.
Closest I could have come to shooting anyone
was when I was a 'tower man' as a prison guard.
None of the cons started any trouble in my area.
I did shoot a small refrigerator in the tower.
Blew a hole in the door with double aught buck.
Tore up the insides real good, but it still worked.
I called the shift captain, said I fired a round.
Accident of course.   I didn't hate refrigerators.
Captain says, "What the hell you doin' up there?" 
I say, "I guess I'm fuckin' up."   Silence then,
Captain bust out laughing and couldn't stop.
He sent a lieutenant to the tower to check things.
Lieutenant takes the gun and shoots out a window.
It was determined that the gun was defective,
Or, maybe we both were.  I taped up the refrigerator.
I think it's still there (Tower 3) after all these years.
Curious people would ask, "Why'd you shoot it?"
I always reply, "'Cause it was runnin'."



Book Burning

Hot damn!  Book burnin' at the church.
Pure filth and trash goin' up in flames.
Opportunity pounds upon my door.
I gather a stack of my own vulgar books,
Run down to sell them to the faithful.
Yup, make some money from the sales.
But, not enough.  I sell them slightly
Above what they cost me to print.
Stroke of genius, I print some covers,
Book covers with nasty nasty themes
And wrap them around books I find.
Books I find in the trash or get free.
They sell like hotcakes.  "Brother, buy
A filthy book to burn,  Sister, of course
The donation goes to the church." 
The church of my empty wallet,  It all
Worked fine until a cover falls off and
They see that we're selling fake cover-
Wrapped old Nancy Drews and Mother
Goose Rhymes.  That was when they
Considered throwing us into the fire.
There are times when one can run fast.