Fuck Johnny Cash

 
I’ve been everywhere,
he boasts.

Big fucking deal.

I’ve been everywhere
and everyone, man . . .

Donnie T., Toledo, OH
Larry E., St. Louis, MO
Winston F., Andersen, IN
Samuel K., Washington, DC
Fred J., Miami, FL
Sylvester S., New York, NY
Alfred N., Spokane, WA

Hell, I was even a woman,
one Jana W., Tyler, TX

And this—well, this could
be your life, my friend.

If you stop submitting poems
to The New Yorker
and start sending dirty letters
to Wild MILFS.


 

 
Watersports

 
Working
as a bookseller
can be awfully disorienting.

Just the other day
a woman asked me if we had anything
on watersports.

It took a moment
to clear my head of filth
before showing her the books on
waterskiing, jet skiing, wakeboarding,
skimboarding, surfing . . . 

But no sooner
did she make a purchase
and exit the store
than the filth returned
with a vengeance.

Returned
in all its free flowing
golden glory.