Shitting in the Dark

Shitting in the dark
Late-night in the woods
Wasn't my idea.  It was
Born more of a dire
Emergency.  Rough
Night at the club.  Lost
My ride.  Thumbed it
For a while, walked
Mostly. Then it hit me,
The necessity to step
Off the blacktop into
The woods to drop a 
Load.  So, like the bear,
I shit in the woods.
I was just hoping that 
Nothin' would get me.
My untanned bright
White bottom could be
A lure for a lot of the
Beasts in these woods.
Got bear here, wolves,
Coyotes, liquored up
Hillbillies coon huntin'
Or checkin' their stills.
That'll teach me to get
Drunk and tell Wanda
To drive her sorry ass
Home without me.
I sure wish she'd come
Lookin' for her man and 
Bring some paper.