Scott C. Holstad

I Do Not Have a Master of Divinity Degree – Redux

Some people accuse me of preaching.
I come from generations of preachers
my friends and frankly
I am not a visionary but
I am a passionate man
and I feel for humanity – 
I feel for the nameless man
in the street – I have been there.
I feel for the hungry
               the tired
                the weak
                               I have been there.
I feel for those abused by
governments and religions
                                    the poor
                                    the homeless
                                    the disabled
                                    the sinner
                                    the marginalized
                                    the walking wounded
for I have been there.

At night I sleep bearing burdens
for my voiceless 
brothers and sisters,
those maligned by society,
those people left to die
in the streets cause 
I have damn well been there.
I have
                        seen
                        felt
                        experienced
I know the pain of humanity,
I know the yawping fear
and it’s not truly preaching
I resort to but 
the telling of truths
                                 My Truth
and the truth of
a million more
like me.

John Jordan

suddenly, beauty

“tattoos – a permanent reminder of a temporary feeling”

      Jimmy Buffett

I don’t care much for tattoos, some

sort of statement on skin to the world –

here I am they announce abruptly

like my neighbor who rarely speaks

to me except to point at my ragged lawn.

His forearm ripples, a mudged 

rendering of someone I don’t know, 

poor tribute on skin. But

on occasion they surprise me

like deer bounding out of a hedge

across the road of my car

stunned for a second by fleeting beauty

and the damage of movement – like 

the hospice nurse who leaned over

my dying mom, a small blue dove

dotting the soft nape of her neck,

all her actions sure and final 

and kind. The needle must have pricked

purple pain spreading ink on

waiting skin. Suddenly there’s beauty

my heart taken in the moment

moving stillness shows us briefly

life is here, imprinted on skin

indelible and, one would hope,

soaring, doves breaking to heaven

above the marred and temporal flesh.

Chris Callard

Airplane Mode
So what if I don’t put the phone on airplane mode?
Will it mess with the cockpit and send us smashing to the ground?
And while cleaning up the crash and collecting our body bits will they find my phone
and trace the disaster to me?
I wonder about these things as I sit in my aisle seat.
I need an aisle seat because I’m claustrophobic
and just plain scared about this whole flying contraption.
Yes, yes, I know, it’s safer than driving the freeways,
or so they tell us, they.
Admittedly, I’ve never been killed in a plane.
Nor in a car, for that matter.
I’m alive and get from place to place.
But still rather frightened.
Not just about transportation.
So if I don’t switch the setting quickly on the phone
have I doomed us all, this young family across from me,
the teenagers behind, so much ahead of them all?
I’m ignorant, and forgetful, and not a seasoned flyer,
and never ever listen to what the attendants say
or read about plane crashes and their causes.
So I just don’t know.
The modern world is a mystery, so many electronics that
might fry our brains that we don’t know about
until the tumor is too big.
So far, though, so good.
I mean, I do know how to switch my phone over,
and, there, I just did, just saved everyone.
But I always speculate before we get up in the air.
Jesus, man, I’ll just take the train from now on.
Though I’ve heard that when cattle get stuck on the tracks
it can be a real mess.



Job
This job, this mind-mashing driving-me-up-the-wall job.
I get 20-minute breaks and it takes me ten to disengage,
decompress, and am still depressed.
Fifteen minutes into my shift I’m suicidal.
Hey, he asks, happy here?
Not ecstatic, no.
Why? Cause it’s my role to ask.
I need the money, get it?
Sure, I do. So quit if you don’t dig it.
The walking dead could do this in their sleep.
The walking dead, I think, don’t sleep.
Well this place would knock ’em out.
You have a great phone voice, that’s why we hired you. Ever
consider books on tape?
Huh? What the…
Just an observation. But we need to sell this stuff, and fast. Can you do it?
Thanks for nothing. I quit.
Cool. Love chatting. See you tomorrow.
After blowing his brains out while lying in bed I slept fine,
and applied to In and Out Burgers.
Goddamn I should have gone to college.

Philip Ash

LONGHAIR


I was an aggro teenage skinhead from NYC. Cro-Mags sounded great live at CBGB. I was used
to risking life and limb on the subway at 4 a.m. Never got mugged. People were afraid I’d mug
them! Puerto Rican kids pounded on train door glass. Cop just laughed. I used to act crazy and
curse on the subway, until it wasn’t pretend.

Relocated to too mellow San Diego in my junior year. I embraced thrash metal and grew my hair
long. (Nazi skins pissed me off.) Discovered high school football to vent anger. I shoved my left
hand under an opponent’s shoulder pads, jammed them into his neck, right fist punched the
exposed solar plexus, did the swim. . . made defensive All-League.

Smurf had a parrot. We blew pot smoke into its cage until it fell over. I drove to Santa Monica
Civic Center with some long-haired buddies at 110 mph in my huge Buick LeSabre. Saw
Megadeth and Motorhead. Later, John jumped off the La Jolla Clam with his arm cast. We heard
him yell from the water below. He ran away to Seattle and worked on a garbage truck. I threw a
half-full keg through a window. We made homemade sangria in new plastic trashcans by beach
bonfires. Pals traveled to TJ to see Masters of Reality, but the Ramones were in town. Nobody
else showed up. “Play! Play!” We got to hear their soundcheck.

And that nice, plain girl asked me to the prom. I said no and went with artsy Sophie who grew up
on a Tahitian island near Marlon Brando. She planned to commit suicide at 50. After the prom,
I got a fifth of Jack Daniels. We went to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Allegedly, I tried
to strangle my best friend. Now, years past, after heavy medication, sobriety and bits and pieces
of Eastern philosophy, I wonder if my prom date actually killed herself. She was there when I
painted an inflated brown paper lunch bag in red, white, and blue, and popped it behind the art
teacher. “Pop art!” I yelled. He gave me an A.



HEAVEN OR HELL?


Illegible black and blue scrawls fade
in your high school yearbook. If only
you’d caught the screen pass on 3rd
down. You wouldn’t have grown
that resentful rectal tumor following
years of depressive self-hatred.

Trade up relationships and get traded.
AIDS is more treatable, though sport
fucking remains unsatisfactory. Use
others like commodities. Sell high.

Middle-aged respectability gives
way to silver-haired playing the field;
widows, widowers and divorcees
swipe dating apps along with Gen-Z.

Try and remember why you tied
a string around your big toe. Clip
coupons for products you can’t
comprehend. Take a nap as ceiling
fan slices daily memory debris.

Pour a mix of experiential dregs
through time’s funnel. Inhale fumes
after you lick life’s last drops. Slide
under your grave while Betty Boop
cartoon headstones laugh and sway.

Afterlife involves watching unscripted
reality TV reruns on a sagging couch
and scarfing processed junk food.
Smart remote becomes eternally stuck
within a cushion crack. Pizza delivery
stays forever 15 minutes distant.

P.A. Jones

What I Do When Anger Wants the Wheel

Anger shows up in my truck at dusk,
door already open,
boots on the dash,
mud on the floor mat I just washed.

It smells of old arguments and sweat.
It knows the roads better than I do.

It tells me to drive faster,
tells me every light is an insult.

We pass the pawn shop with barred windows.
We pass the church with the empty lot.
We pass the house where I learned
how to turn silence into a weapon.

Anger taps the glass with one finger.
Every face outside becomes a threat.
Every memory turns into a blade.

The past climbs into the back seat.

My hands tighten on the wheel.
The engine swells with heat.
The speedometer rises toward confession.
The road narrows into a dare.

Anger tells me to say the thing
that burns bridges to ash,
to make a clean break
with a dirty mouth.

I pull into a gas station
with one light working.
The clerk doesn’t look up.
The floor carries a thousand nights
of spilled drink.
The freezer hums with buried hunger.

I shut the engine down.

Silence fills the cab with weight.

Anger curses the quiet.

I stay in the seat.
Keys in my fist.
Breath stacking slow in my chest.

The blood cools its fists.

Anger slouches in the passenger seat,
mouth full of smoke,
eyes hunting for an exit.

I don’t throw it out.
I don’t give it the wheel.

I start the truck
when my hands stop shaking.

We leave the lot
at the speed of staying human.




Unarmed

Listen.

Violence don’t start with fists.
It starts with fear.
Fear of losing ground.
Fear of being seen.
Fear that if we stop talking
the truth might speak first.

So fear puts on a clean shirt.
Signs papers.
Prays in the pew.
Calls itself necessary
and sleeps fine.

Faith gets drafted.
Not to heal,
but to steady hands,
to bless force,
to make panic sound holy.

Meekness gets laughed at.
Softness gets you killed.
Certainty grabs the mic
and nobody asks who wired the sound.

That’s the game.

Keep it loud.
Keep it moving.
Keep everybody reacting.
No time to notice
your jaw locked tight.

Because if you stop,
really stop,
the story don’t hold.

The body knows.
Chest tight.
Breath thin.
A man can shout God all day
and still feel fear chewing his ribs.

So I step into the quiet.
Not hiding.
Not holy.
Just a place where nothing works
except the truth.

No weapons here.
No slogans.
No crowd to disappear into.
Just breath.
Just fear.
Just staying put long enough
to see what’s actually driving.

And once you see it,
you don’t get to unsee it.

Violence ain’t strength.
It’s panic with permission.
Faith ain’t certainty.
It’s staying when fear
demands an answer
right now.

So I don’t strike back.
I don’t harden.
I don’t pretend I’m clean.

I refuse to let fear
finish the sentence.

A small mercy survives this way,
quiet,
stubborn,
strong enough to tell the truth
without raising its voice.

This ain’t peace.
This ain’t victory.

This is a man
standing in the noise,
choosing attention over armor,
learning, slow and honest,
how not to become
what he’s afraid of.

Eric D. Goodman

I Hear America Crying


I hear America crying, the muffled cries I hear,


the worried cries of drivers along city streets and country roads,
tension of black hands gripping steering wheels,
the flash of blue lights in the rearview mirror,

the exhausted crying of laborers with calloused hands
that scrub floors, hold mops, grip tools,
hours that grow heavy with the weight of work unending,

the moaning crying of well diggers, oil riggers, miners, blacksmiths,
knuckles worn to the bone as they unearth and create
goods they will never afford,

the grinding, rattling crying of mechanics
beneath hoods, underneath vehicles,
oil-stains lasting longer than paychecks,

the painful crying of fishermen and butchers and farmers,
massive ships and farms and warehouses full
while their families’ cupboards remain bare,

the cries of the weary,
working two jobs, three jobs,
building debt instead of wealth, uncertainty instead of security,

the crying of the mother, of the young wife, of the sweatshop girl,
supplementing paychecks of the rest of the family,

even cries from the wealthy, reaping the benefits of others’ labor
yet watching their portfolios disagree with their intentions,
falling and making them feel poor,

each crying with breath broken
beneath the weight of American dreams deferred,

crying for what they wish could be
a joyful, melodious song.



Blue Collar Orange


I wore blue all my life,
to shield, to serve—

the weight of my badge
an anchor I let dig too deep.

I’ve pinned down criminals before,
voices thinned beneath me,
beneath the law, the rule, the authority.

Sometimes they struggle,
fight the power,
resist the law, the rule, the authority.

Situations escalate, egos inflate,
sometimes theirs, sometimes ours.

It’s my duty to press harder,
to enforce the law, the rule, the authority.

Blue fades to orange,
badge traded for bars,
conviction my new shade.

Me, now raw as the men
I’ve pressed into cold streets,
another victim of the law, the rule, the authority,

locked up
but still breathing.

D.R. James

April Fool


Just because it’s linearly April the Second,
who’s the boss who says this punk-ass snow—
reduced now to an intermittent drizzle whizzing on the roof—

and this one-tone, tag-along slab of sleepy gray—
since the sun’s just up—
and this white elephant of an extra hour before barreling in to work,
and then the kids coming tonight from their mom’s
for Sorry—
or not,
as’ll happen—

who says it can’t all go perfectly
with this seasonal transition’s shy thunder
clearing its phlegmish voice
over all these leafless trees,

with this mismixed black-and-tan of mismatched Spring?

I’ve let myself grow fond of longing
for set pieces,
for still-lifes requiring
one from Column A,
another number I forget from Column B,
a soundtrack from, I’m only guessing,
Column C,

figuring it has to be this prissy mania
for the alphabetical.

Meanwhile, while the world gets away
with spinning its weighted wheel any which way
it wants, our singed hearts roulette
for whatever weather rolls in off a controlling coast.

But what of these self-tranquilized tendencies,
our domesticated blood?
Couldn’t we eat a rich lunch at ten,
decide on another at two,
boldly call it supper
and be ready for breakfast by five-fifty,
then call it a night
or, even better, a new day?
In any case, couldn’t we be more awake, more
Thoruvian, with “Rock Around the Clock”
our invocative alarum
not some old benedictive ex∙e∙unt?

(I’m beginning to sense some hostility.)

Which reminds me of the time my third good idea—
that one involving literature and the golden summer of ’77,
which we spent largely melting into a solitary beach
until our bones felt as though they’d bake along
and last forever together—
turned out to be just another in a long
but entertaining line
of nice-to-have-known-you usurpations (though by now
it’s taken the form of a couple
tortured
decades),

which was before poetry—
wide-wale cords
worn thin across her bony cheeks—
materialized from the dust, squatting
predictably over an opened road,
and smirked me into this other,
this more welcoming,
dementia.




Swimming


Apparently it has been said
that two lions guard
the door to Enlightenment. But
Paradox and Confusion, two
of the best friends a guy could hope
to leave behind,
seem more like two winos
blocking the door
to your apartment, trying
to avoid enlightenment,
though they don’t know it.
You could step over them
but you’d risk their awakening.
I wish I were an abstraction
in the form of a non-cognizant
but ferocious mammal. Not only
would I be warm-blooded
and highly respected and
sporting a non-thinning mane,
but I could save all the time
I now spend attempting
consciousness. It’s also been said
that I tend more toward
the cold-blooded (possibly
reaching luke-warm when sunshine
heats up the lagoon) and not
regularly regarded, since I’m off
swimming the world, looking
for the world in which I swim.
Which is funny if I think about it.
Which I can’t. I’m like
Prufrock in his flannel pants,
pushed around by a Symbolist,
three teeth cracked on peach pits,
love life always aground
around tea-time, sleeping
just out of earshot
so as not to drown.

Livio Farallo

abracadabra

there’s a noise

in the alchemy of

the

countryside. there’s a beaker

                       of saltwater flush

as an

ocean. i can’t dance

             like a snake, so i slither

                                    in olfactory

                                    exhaustion and bite down hard.

the sun is a bright mountain

defy-

ing gravity: houdini with a smile. and

someone is

           waiting in the siberian traps with a demitasse of dna,

           ready to slurp: ready to

scald. and i am a clown

                               with my own nose

rid-

ing ponies like a surfboard.

a whine comes from a snowdrift,

adumbrates

                      a whisper, a snore, somnambulism that floats

like a ghost through

         basement windows. it could be the wind murmuring “presto”.

it could be the giggling of a pint-sized giant

                                                pulled from a hat.

but the only magic i’ve seen

is simply a hand

                    gun

fir-

ing backwards and a

                           cell phone that smokes.  

Ismael S. Rodriguez Jr

The Factory of Your Lungs

Every exhale is counted, weighed, and sold to someone who doesn’t live here—
someone who has never woken to the rattle of dawn
shaking the dust from its pockets
like a tired god clocking in for another shift.
In this town, breath is a currency.
The children trade theirs for recess,
the elders for a quiet afternoon without coughing up
another gray feather of the sky’s exhaustion.
We are paid in particulate promises:
tiny specks of maybe, someday, almost.
The smokestacks rise like stern foremen,
tall as verdicts delivered without trial.
They do not blink.
They do not bargain.
They take their tithe of oxygen
and leave our chests echoing like half-collapsed warehouses.
Still, we show up.
We shoulder the sun.
We lift the morning until it glows faintly,
a lantern swaying above the picket line of our ribs.
Some nights, a breeze sneaks in—
an outlaw wind slipping between the factories
with news from somewhere greener.
It whispers: breathe deeper,
your lungs are not a ledger.
And we try—
inhalation as rebellion,
exhalation as prayer—
each breath a small strike
against the empire of smoke
that believes it owns us.



Subway Graffiti as Prophecy

The train rattles past midnight slogans,
each one a warning written in neon dust.
Letters drip like fresh constellations
on the ribs of silver cars—
WE WERE HERE, NOT YOUR CITY,
EVERY WALL HAS A PULSE.
Beneath the murmuring advertisements of tomorrow,
a sharper gospel flickers in unauthorized color.
The tunnels memorize it.
The rats translate it into twitching scripture.
Even the conductors read it with their eyes closed.
A crown made of spray caps rolls along the tracks.
A halo of sirens hums in the distance,
late as always, faithful as gravity.
Someone has stitched a future into brick and speed,
a prophecy that refuses to wait for permission.
We pretend not to see it,
eyes trapped in glowing rectangles of curated hope,
while the walls scream in wild typography:
THE CITY IS A DREAM EATING ITS DREAMERS.
BREAK THE SPELL.
By morning the messages will be skinned raw by cleanup crews,
bleached into respectable silence.
But the night will remember.
The tunnels will rehearse.
And the next train will arrive already whispering
what the daylight is afraid to admit.



A Brief History of Sidewalks

Concrete remembers the soles it carried,
the faces erased, the corners abandoned.
It remembers the soft geography of need—
bus tokens warm in palms, the choreography
of waiting, the loose change mooning in cups.
Once, this block spoke in many tempos:
domino slaps, arguments, laughter stitched
through open windows like second curtains.
Then the paint arrived first—
that clean lie of renewal—
followed by names no one here could pronounce
without learning new mouths.
Rent rose like floodwater without rain.
Porches narrowed. Lives folded.
Now the coffee costs more than the day’s wages
of the ghosts who still cross here at dusk.
Dogs with better health plans
tug silver leashes past the places
children learned the art of swerving traffic.
Even the weeds have been rezoned.
But listen closely at night
when the foot traffic thins to memory:
the sidewalk exhales names it is blamed for losing.
Each crack’s a ledger.
Each stain, a stubborn footnote.
Progress keeps receipts in erased feet.
And still—
the pavement waits, wide and patient,
for the next unpermitted story
to step back into the light.

Peter Mladinic

Collaboration

I woke this morning in the dark with a face
in mind: a senior citizen wanted to reach out
and, I suspect, apologize for a wrong done
some sixty-five years ago. Sorry, no thanks.
I too have been tempted to reach out, even
atone. “Let sleeping dogs lie, let the dead
bury …” I think there’s an animal buried

in my back yard. There’s grass and then
an area, a sandy rise, like a pitcher’s mound,
and, here and there, patches of black plastic,
like those thick trash bags, little triangles of
black plastic sticking up. Part of me wants
to start digging, but I might have to call
the city health department or animal control.
What if it’s a person, a human corpse?

I doubt that. I woke with that boyish face
and a thought of buried things. Some people
have gardens. My friend Bob’s sister scattered
his ashes in her garden. Some people have
watch collections, others coin collections.
My DVD collection I got rid of. I replaced it
with, I’m proud to say, being somewhat tech-
challenged, digital movies! This morning

I thought Ray, I should go to Amazon for Ray.
The click of a button. Taylor Hackford’s film
starring Jamie Fox as the great Ray Charles.
In one scene Ray’s sitting at the piano and
the guy who plays the great Ahmet Ertegun
comes up to him. “Hey, Ray, I got this song …”
Ahmet sits at the piano, in a little whiny voice
sings “You can talk about the pit, barbecue.”

Suddenly Ray’s banging away at the piano,
singing, screeching, shouting, the camera’s
whirling, the moviegoers in the theater, ones
not dead from the neck down, at the edge
of musical greatness, are out of their chairs
at “Now this band’s going to play from nine
to one.” The camera’s whirling, “the house
is rocking.” Jamie Fox nails “Mess Around.”

When The Buffalo Springfield sang, “Hello,
Mr. Soul, I stopped by to think up a reason”
they were singing about the great Ahmet
Ertegun, the son of a Turkish ambassador.
I love that part in Ray, where, at the piano
he kind of mumbles, then Ray takes it, letting
us know it’s great to be alive, not ignoring
the buried things. Keep them in perspective.