Bradford Middleton

I’M AN ADDICT

 

I’m an addict, an addict for bad love

Bad drugs, bad friends, bad jobs

They all come and go but never for

Too long because, well, I’m an addict

 

I fall for mad terrifying women who

Fall in love at the drop of a hat

Only to turn off once they’ve turned

You on cos I’m addicted to finding the one

 

I drink to forget and right now

There is an awful lot I need to

Get out and writing can only do

So much.  These words help but

Not as much as the bottle will later

 

Then again none of it helps as

Much as that stuff which convinced

Me I needed help but all I want

Now is to forget, get stoned and

Cry my heart out because, well,

 

I’m an addict and there’s only one

Way to end this tragedy but I ain’t

Ever been brave enough for that option,

Not yet anyway. 

——————————————————

 

SMOKING MY WAY TO MADNESS

 

I been smoking legal highs for a while now as the old habits of yore move to the past, long to be forgotten and never to be returned too

As the hashish is hard and makes my throat ache and whilst it makes me feel good mentally it always ends with me being ill

And I was never a fan of skunk-weed as for my tastes its too strong and just makes me want to nod off to sleep

All I really want is for a nice bit of weed, something to soothe, something to chill me out, calm me down

So I can pretend to be normal when amongst other people.

 

But the main problem with this legal high is just that, it’s legal so you feel you can do it anywhere at any time and it can soon take a grip

A grip on your psyche, telling you it’s fine whilst all the time feeding you the idea that you must have more

More and more until you think of nothing else, you awake at half 4 in the morning and can’t face the night outside

It’s inevitable that you’ll reach over for your tin of delights, roll one and smoke it down hoping it can solve the insomnia

But sometimes of late it’s been bad and made me go a little mad.

 

The first time was about a month ago when it felt like I had a seizure that caused my body to contort without a musical soundtrack

I collapsed in my chair and shook with a fearsome terror, sweat enveloping my skin, telling me to stop right that minute

Then again, a night in the local, ended with me in the A & E, after I woke shaking violently after only a couple of hours of black-out

I feared for myself as my heart pounded as if it would burst through my rib cage, exploding as my pulse raced

It was unlike anything I’d ever taken and all I wanted to do was cry, talk to my Mum and tell her I was sorry she had a mad son.

 

So what is there to do, getting away from the source will never be easy as I buy this shit from a place near my work

And after a stressful day which I know I’ll need to forget, it always tempts me as I leave my work at 3pm, bored and alone with nothing to do

Except keep getting higher, more deranged, demented and growing ever so madder

But when the madness really kicks in is when I mix it up with the lovely booze as then they battle for supremacy over who should win

And the nights when I don’t smoke and I do get a drink on, it’s huge oceans of booze overflowing my mind with their liquid delights

More often than not though I’ll drink down a couple, smoke another couple and very soon be a drawling, horrid wreck.

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