John Blandly

Heavy Metal Narcissist


I invented narcissism.

I majored in narcissism.

Narcissism is me!


All smart politicians, artists and poets are narcissists.

Was Emily Dickenson a narcissist?
Joan of Arc?



There is no narcissist hall of fame.

I don’t think you are surprised.


Descartes proved there are other people.

He was a narcissist.

If he had said,

I am a narcissist,

therefore, I am,

like he wanted to,

he wouldn’t get all the good publicity.


Don’t go “all in” as a narcissist.

That is the wise move.


Narcissist anthem?

There is none.


Narcissists must come clean and come out of the closet.

Don’t be a closeted narcissist.

Man up.


Face your fears—the fear of being accused of an unreal zeal.

Like a Houdini,

you may slip out of your straight jacket sometimes.

So, be cool.


Mr. Misunderstood, that’s your name.

Or, if you are a girl, Miss Misunderstood.


Me new navel—I mean, novel,

“The History of Narcissism,” is selling well in the gift shops of mental institutions.

“Brilliant! A work of genius!”

–Albert Einstein


This is my favorite blurb.


Competition is keen among narcissists.

This is about the only thing keen about us.


outsider, that’s us, the big Ns.

Be confident and undeterred–after all, you are the best!


We are very upset with all the single white gunmen among us.

We would like to eject them with extreme prejudice,

just to give us more favorable airtime.

We love airtime.


The lone white gunman academy diploma should be a ticket for admission to the prison for criminally insane.


Are we super paranoid—like folks are watching us?

Well, if you spent as much time in jail as us, you’d understand.


There are not many narcissist clubs.


All this delusions of grandeur crap–where is the grandeur vending machine?

We’d like to cash in some cans and get some real grandeur.

Et tu, Brutus?

Folie a deux is twice as bad among us.

Delusions of grandeur are the je ne se quoi for a narcissist.

Come si,

come sa.

Come one, come all.


There is little to be gained by being a narcissist.


Who defends narcissists from unwarranted attacks?

Not me.


Who will be the last narcissist standing?


Me, I’m just a 10 cent narcissist.


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