our indie goss I’ve had it on cassette I’ve had it on CD and now I’ve got an mp3 of it on my phone, and I’m telling you: whatever the format, it’s always the same: two minutes and five seconds into Ceremony by New Order, the volume jumps. I can’t figure out if it’s just the bass being twanged especially heavily or an actual recording blunder, but I swear, in any format I listen to, the volume always seems to jump then, even on the remaster. I don’t care if I’m wrong or mad. a part of me likes feeling like I own this observation, like it’s a secret between me and the band, and that’s ok: after all, isn’t that what all music should sound like? of course, if you dear reader have heard it too, then I guess we’re both in on the secret and that’s ok too: isn’t that what all writing should feel like? a cold pillow evening standing at the delivery doors out back. smoking a roll-up made up of the fag ends of other roll-ups, you whirl the stiff bastard of your left ankle until it finally cracks whereupon, right, whereupon some prick behind you feels the need to point out that “your shift only started about 10 minutes ago”. some prick that may or may not be your manager – if she isn’t yet, she will be soon enough with that attitude – and there’s a little ugly bird whose breed you’ll never wiki doing a sort of flat-footed tap dance on a low wall opposite. it looks like it should be smarter than that. like it’s pretending it’s happy. “well?” you hear. evidently she’s still standing behind you. she’ll be manager any second now. a scab slides off your left knee only to fall into your sock like a cornflake, wet on one side and no one asks the bird what it’s up to. the happier repressed they say everybody is in their own hell but really it’s usually a hell of someone else’s making: it’s a job or a boss or a landlord : a cage you were bequeathed. but if you’re truly in your own hell, like say from indulging a bad friend or by choosing to be miserable with a miserable partner then congratulations: you’re about as free as we can get. just keep your freedom the hell away from me.