My Old Self I don't know if you know, but 4 weeks ago today my partner of 18 years died. Of what I don't know, and never will. Karen's son didn't want a post mortem. I think she should have had one. Somebody's at fault for a fit, strong 53 year old woman dying after only being ill for a couple of months. But that's not what I started to write about, I wanted to say that after these 4 weeks, I'm beginning to see that I might be able to get through this. At first I really didn't think that I would, but now I'm feeling stronger, and more like myself as every day goes by. The days are long, but the weeks go by so quickly it's really shocking. I can hardly believe that 4 weeks have passed since she passed. At times it feels more like 4 hours, 4 days maybe, but 4 weeks. No fucking way. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I still love Karen as much as I ever have, but I'm beginning to slowly, SLOWLY get my head what passes for together. I know it's what she would have wanted. Karen wouldn't have wanted me to drink, or drug myself to death. I'm starting to think that I won't.