2019 is like this

I need a savior lord

knows I need a slick

gin and tonic to slide smoothly

down my throat vape cigarettes through a blue filtered pen

could trade places with sweet-at-home wives instead I

grind over and over but

all I really want is a cat

on my lap as I listen to the night

owl as I listen to the sharp cracks

in the fire when the logs pop and watch

the sparks fly out like shooting

stars I am a mother / a workhorse / the under-dog

I, the ample giver

caretaker

a getter

not a lover (……..well maybe sometimes)

I fold the sheets sloppily and I think

fuck it

 

 

 

Gods of a bone head part 5

Woke up 3:38am with night terrors

what will happen when I can truly sleep soundly?

I’ll be dead and just won’t wake up

I have no problems

I have so many problems

which one will murder me?

which one problem is my friend in disguise as a hacker / as a malignant / as a hex…?

the days in and days out, I cannot undo

I am in the middle of re-wiring myself

and I will wire straight into hell

scorch / burn me fiercely

charred meat

that still walks and talks and fucks

yet is a child living in the head of a dead

adult

still attempting to dream

yearning to dream

fuck out of time

 

 

Epic Wretch

I think I will stick around

I wanna see who my son brings home

who he will love I want to see

what my daughter’s hair looks like

when she is sixteen and stunning

want to hear how the cardinal singing

outside my bedroom window sounds

to my ears at fifty

want to see if the world truly ends

and if my bag of bones will withstand

 

 

 

Sarcophagus

When I was drowning and you pushed my head down deeper

you said pain and fear exit the body at the exact climax

of life into death…….I fell into a pit

lay fetal in deadness for days

naked

flies buzzed around my pus infected sores

depositing larvae into my eyes

I could not see

it was black as fuck

you were laughing……I was writhing

I grasped your coat sleeve begged you to stay

you dragged me across the floor

my knees scraped to bloody nubs

you fled into the desert

slept like a suckling under the cactus that tried to

murder me with pricks the size of penises

stuck me almost got me

at the lake the next summer you pretended it was a dream

and you lost your way had to ask for directions

hence you are back

But I still lay dead

 

 

 

Sinner

I can’t touch God

through thin air

I try to

pry open

a cloud

look for wings

or a harp……..I lie in bed

in search of

an angel

flapping music

I whisper my

confessions tonight……..

but only the devil listens

 

 

Fess Box

I’m stuck as fuck in this ever so tight place I can’t break out

knock my head through this wall I step outside myself

to watch the rising sun I get into

the heat

of it all

I surprise myself with these legs

I move shit

I can move as fast as fuck if I want to

only

if I want to

I have this body thirty-something years

this bitch has never let me down

I held babies in this womb

I gave the milk of my breast I let them carve me open

and remove any fucked up shit that did not belong

in the secret places of my body when it wasn’t the time to be there

and you thought it wasn’t the time for me

to be up in your womb

(when you told him – not your husband – not the father that I come to

understand isn’t even my father)

when you told Mr. X your shit was barren and you got a little bit more

than a happy ending

you got a bun in the oven and you were unable to abort the mission

since Roe vs. Wade wasn’t Roe’n or Wade’n then

and you couldn’t find the back alley or witch doctors to creep up your vag

with a tree branch and decapitate my little baby head

I am a survivor

I saw the little imp and it ran in fear from me because I truly am savage

with love I never knew could be mine

I never realized I had wings and could wrap

around buildings and raise the dead

I can swing a bat and knock a house down

bring it home

to a warm bed and sweet sweet man who may

actually love

the bitch bedding

inside my bones

 

 

 

Empty

Let sleeping princesses be………

stop watching me when I sleep you might dirty my air

or suck my precious breath from me I have hated you for decades

yet you come in the night to watch and learn

you will take me…….my last breath……..when a princess I am no more

when the queen cometh/when the moon cometh/when we are broken

………..and collapsed

you will claim this sleeping beauty

as if I owe you…….but there is nothing left to take here

 

 

 

Hell hath no fury….

When dreadful

whispers awaken

that fury within her

when she comes to understand

she has been deceived

that electric shock

that reboot

when scorned

devils cower

from her quake

she is coming

cunting

ravaging…..

be afraid